Please excuse me if my words lack fluidity, it’s a difficult time.
Originally, I sat and thought of the most controversial approach for this blog and decided that controversy is not always the best way to express one’s most deepest and most personal thoughts.
Many times people express feelings that their situation is new and never experienced by any one except themselves. “Welcome to my Pity Party, please listen to me complain about the most recent unfortunate event that will control my thoughts and existence for as long as I can!”
Well in actuality, what ever you are experiencing someone has done it before and sometimes they survived! As a good friend of mine tweeted (verb meaning to send an Twitter update) “Niggaz get shot everyday, B! You ain’t special!” While this may be the truth, when you are experiencing your experience, it sure as hell doesn’t feel this way.
Death is something that we will all experience, (Except for Chuck Norris as my students would say.) whether it is the death of a family member or the death of your goldfish Fred that you forgot to feed for three whole days or eventually your own life; death is a commonality that we all share.
Seeing the fear and mental defeat in the eyes of adolescents breaks the heart of a teacher or any adult. In 2011, students are dealing with things that a 13-15 year old should not have to deal with. Whether it’s the situation surrounding social network bullying, expectations from the government (“We MUST compete with the Japanese and Chinese to be the smartest and highest educators in the world.” -President Obama), pressure to “babysit”/raise younger siblings, and the push and pull system of ganglife, these students are in a world that once was much softer to it’s teenagers. Observing these challenges head on and looking into the watery eyes of a child and tell him/her that everything will be ok, when they have to return to war-torn neighborhood hours after hearing the news that a good friend has lost his life because of ignorance of another radical, revengeful gang member, when you do not know whether it will be or not is a struggle.
Five days prior, I spoke with this student about his progress in school, his family & friends; and now I write and think about the things he will miss. Falling in love, falling out of love, seeing the Bears win another Super Bowl (we may never see that!), etc all because of decisions that were made.
Grief is a part of life. Lost is a part of life. When did it become a norm for children, 15 year old children to leave this earth in a manner that is saved for the worst of the worst adults. To leave the party before the keg gets there, isn’t fair especially when you decided to roll with the “wrong” person/the “party pooper”.
As a former student, he has plenty of friends still in my classroom. To stand next to your friend and see his life end right before your eyes that you’ll never forget. That will shape his future and for that I am terrified and concerned. I want to see my students grow up and I want to see them better themselves but I can only do so much.
Who else is supposed to help these students?
R.I.P Bart
Watching our students experience things they shouldn’t be experiencing is heart wrenching. To see a child cry because they know what their neghborhood can do to every child hurts me. Safety? They have no idea what that means. The world has failed them and they have no other way to deal with it, but to stay and survive where they feel comfortable because that is all they know. This neighborhood has not changed ever since I was a young girl growing up. Our students can’t play outside because they fear the only place they know, why? Well, because the gangs have been mislead and are only surviving. Surviving in a world so big yet so tiny in their eyes.